AWB Chapter 647 Pan Zi: Kid, you can't handle this
Chapter 647 Pan Zi: Kid, you can't handle this
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Inside Studio One,
"With so many people at the driving school, are you all here to learn to drive?"
"Hello, old man, this driving school has great service. Look, even the instructors are kneeling to greet you."
"Oh my god, are you the Smiling Fugitive Madman?"
"I am the smiling fugitive obsessed..."
On the stage,
The oldest and most famous costumed character in the future anime genre: Nanako (Cai Ming)
Gazi's sworn brother: "Water King": Panzi.
Plus the 'Legendary Dumpling King': Jia Bing,
The three of them rehearsed a hilarious skit called "Driving".
The audience was filled with more than twenty staff members.
There are scriptwriters, script supervisors, lighting directors, camera assistants, and young directors who are specifically responsible for recording the program's length and the effectiveness of jokes and punchlines.
In the past, everyone did their own job, occasionally glancing at their phones or chatting quietly to pass the time while waiting.
But today the entire place was completely silent, so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Most people's facial expressions are the same: their eyebrows are tightly furrowed and their mouths are stiffly drooping downwards.
It was like swallowing three pounds of unsalted bitter melon, plus a bowl of spoiled tofu pudding from the previous day.
But the worst off was the boy standing next to the speaker.
He practically wanted to go deaf on the spot and then commit suicide.
Director Lü was frowning, watching intently.
He crossed his arms and leaned slightly forward, his face, ravaged by sleepless nights, filled with bewilderment: "What the hell is this?"
"Hahaha……"
Someone couldn't hold back any longer and let out a half-hearted laugh, only to be elbowed to death by a colleague next to him.
"Xiao Xu, Xiao Wang, come here for a moment."
Director Lü suddenly spoke.
These two young people have been with the company for less than two years, but they are frequent users of various social media platforms and know better than anyone else what memes are popular online.
Director Lü clung to his last hope, wanting to get an objective answer from the young man.
The two young people moved over cautiously.
Director Lü, with a serious expression, shifted his gaze from the stage to their faces.
"You're all young people, do you really find these lines... funny?"
Director Lü's voice carried a sense of bewilderment and confusion.
Based on his personal artistic aesthetics,
Director Lü knew perfectly well that these things were: arrows!
Throughout his decades-long directing career,
I've always believed that art should be measured, and that the humor in sketches should be rooted in everyday life, including family matters and mundane stories.
Interpersonal relationships and social dynamics are what Spring Festival Gala viewers love to see most.
In his eyes, these forcibly pieced-together internet memes were utterly worthless, pure literary garbage.
but now,
The number of slots for the Spring Festival Gala review is extremely limited. More than a dozen shortlisted programs compete fiercely, and it is already quite an achievement to squeeze into the final review rehearsal.
After spending half a month reviewing the script and watching rehearsals, Director Lü had long since fallen into a state of aesthetic confusion.
He could no longer tell whether his aesthetic sense was outdated or the script itself was truly beyond redemption.
What if some young people actually like this taste?
But the two young men who had been captured were now filled with despair.
Director... Young people like things that are down-to-earth, not things that are out of touch with reality!
You're having two elderly men and women in their late sixties or seventies use this kind of slang? Young people would almost fall for the uncanny valley effect, okay?
But look at Director Lü's dark circles under his eyes, his unshaven chin, and the volatile aura he exudes. Who would dare to tell the truth?
"It's...it's quite interesting, ha...haha, the 'Smiling Fugitive's Obsession,' that line is hilarious."
"Yes, yes... Heh, who knows, kids these days might like this."
One was forcing a smile, the other was giving a forced smile; both were putting on a brave face.
Director Lü stared at them for two seconds, then sighed softly.
"Alas, the world has lost its morals."
He shook his head, his gaze returning to the absurd scene on stage. "You young people these days really should read more books."
Xiao Wang and Xiao Xu: "..."
No.
You personally selected the program and asked us if it was funny.
We lied and said it was funny.
You then turn around and say that we are "out of touch with the ancient ways"?
Who's really messing with whom here?!
Director Lü received the answer from the two young people that "young people like it," and his brows relaxed slightly.
He turned back around and continued to watch the rehearsal on stage.
But even after watching for less than thirty seconds, the unease in my heart still lingered.
Ever since Jia Bing's "Dumplings in the Snow" stood out on the Spring Festival Gala last year, it was criticized by audiences across the country from New Year's Eve to the Lantern Festival.
If it weren't for Gu Qing's "Small Town Ballad" saving the day, Director Lü felt he might have been hanging on a telephone pole to greet the first rays of the new year's sun.
Therefore,
This year, in order to make up for Gu Qing, we wanted to reduce the pressure on him when he performed.
Director Lü specially arranged for Jia Bing to be paired with two heavyweight veteran artists: Cai Ming and Pan Zi.
Both of them are longtime regulars on the Spring Festival Gala, and their popularity among the people speaks for itself.
One of the race tracks is for sarcastic and mean old ladies.
A track that's responsible for short, pathetic, and cowardly doormats.
For decades, it has remained as steady as an old dog.
With the two of them sharing some of Jia Bing's scenes, things should be fine.
If it weren't for the station's insistence on maintaining a certain number of language-based programs, he would have really wanted to cut them all.
I watched for about ten minutes.
Director Lü could no longer sit still. He raised his hand and gave a wink to a staff member not far away, then whispered the instructions:
"Someone go check if Xiao Gu and the others have changed their clothes yet, and ask them how much longer it will be before they can enter."
The voice has not fallen,
The young employees, who had been listless and slumped in their chairs, instantly came back to life.
"Director, I'll do it! I'm the perfect person to run errands!"
"Don't fight over it, don't fight over it! I'll run the errand myself. Everyone take a break, I'll take care of this!"
"I'm fast on my feet, I can come and go in three minutes. You guys stay and enjoy the show!"
Within seconds, four or five young people eagerly raised their hands, vying to be the first to go out and deliver the message.
People usually slack off and complain of backaches and leg pains after walking just a few steps.
But at this moment,
Even just temporarily escaping this rehearsal hall shrouded in eerie dialogue felt like being released from a prison.
Let alone coordinating with Gu Qing's rehearsal schedule, everyone rushed out even to carry buckets of water downstairs to collect the trash.
A quick-witted young man rushed out of the broadcasting hall first.
Those who remained at the scene wore expressions of deep resentment, bracing themselves to continue enduring the relentless bombardment of the skit's lines.
Fortunately,
On stage, the thirteen-minute skit was coming to an end.
Panzi crawled out from under the prop truck, covered in sweat, his shiny head reflecting the light.
Cai Ming stood beside him and finished reciting the last line in his signature high-pitched voice.
The three of them struck a pose as if taking their final bow, frozen on the stage like three wax figures.
Director Lü glanced down at the stopwatch, then raised his hand and clapped.
The applause was sparse in the empty rehearsal hall, but the employees in the back row immediately joined in, clapping so fast it was like swatting away mosquitoes.
"Not bad, not bad."
"Teacher Cai Ming, Teacher Pan Zi, Teacher Jia Bing, the timing was perfect this time, you didn't go over time."
Director Lü put down the stopwatch, seemingly satisfied.
The smiles on Jia Bing's and Pan Zi's faces both showed a hint of embarrassment.
That doesn't sound like a compliment.
"Director, what shortcomings do you think our program still has that can be improved?"
Cai Ming, on the other hand, is quite uninhibited.
Having been in the industry for decades, she has long since passed the stage of being anxious and insecure because of a director's mood.
She asked the question with genuine sincerity, truly wanting to know where the work could still be improved.
"They're all good, very good."
Director Lü waved his hand, his eyes almost overflowing with fatigue; the continuous late nights had almost given him dry eye syndrome.
He really didn't want to waste his energy on these useless shows anymore.
"As long as young people are happy watching it, there's no need for major changes; just keep the status quo."
At this time,
The young employee who had rushed out to run errands earlier came running back, his face beaming with the relief of a new lease on life, and his tone exceptionally enthusiastic:
"Director Lü, Director Lü, Gu Qing and the others are here. They've already reached the studio entrance."
As soon as those words were spoken,
The previously somewhat dull atmosphere instantly came alive.
Even Cai Ming and his two companions, who had just stepped off the stage and were still pondering how to revise their lines, turned their heads in unison and looked towards the entrance of the hall.
The first thing that catches the eye is a girl.
Chen Duling was dressed in ancient costume, with a narrow-sleeved short blouse paired with a green long skirt, showing off her slender and tall figure.
Her eyebrows and eyes were gentle and delicate, and her every move exuded the upbringing and refinement of a well-bred lady.
But everyone's gaze lingered on her for only a brief half-second.
My gaze was irresistibly drawn to the tall, fiery red figure beside her, and I couldn't look away even a fraction of an inch.
Gu Qing wore a crimson round-necked brocade robe, the fabric of which was as bright as a blazing fire. Her long, black hair was tied under a black turban, and a black leather belt was tightly fastened around her waist.
Simple, luxurious, and unrestrainedly elegant.
His every step exuded radiance.
Everyone in the rehearsal hall was watching.
Gu Qingzheng turned his head slightly, whispered something to Chen Duling beside him, and naturally raised his left hand, habitually placing it on the black leather belt at his waist.
"Xiao Gu, come here."
When Director Lü saw Gu Qing, his anxiety subsided, and he became more and more confident in the program he had poured his heart and soul into.
Gu Qing, with a black leather belt around his waist, walked over with Chen Duling.
"wrong……"
Director Lü looked on with suspicion, as if he noticed that Gu Qing was somewhat different from the previous times she came to rehearsals.
However, his walking posture underwent a subtle change.
With a slightly lowered center of gravity, shoulders and back open but not tense, each step is firmly planted on the ball of the foot, and the hem of the clothes sways gently with each step.
Relaxed and carefree, without any feeling of tension!
Director Lü's eyes lit up.
Gu Qing now,
In his view, there was a scholarly air and nobility that permeated his very being in every gesture.
It's like a calm and composed control over one's own demeanor that comes from being immersed in a classical atmosphere for a long time.
He's basically a walking "ancient person"!
This is in the past two months.
Gu Qing wore similar outfits day after day on the set of "The Legend of the Demon Cat," and after being repeatedly refined by Director Chen and the etiquette consultant, it gradually seeped into her very being.
He himself may not even realize that these changes have been etched into his bodily memory.
Director Lü was naturally overjoyed and felt a sense of relief.
It's been a while since we last met.
Gu Qing not only didn't fall behind in her basic skills, but she also worked even harder to improve. What a good kid!
"Hey, whose jade doll is this?"
A high-pitched and loud voice broke the brief silence in the rehearsal hall.
"Oh my, it's so beautiful! Come here, let Grandma see it."
"You must be Gu Qing, right?"
Cai Ming is a stylish and warm-hearted old lady, without any of the airs of older generation artists.
She looked Gu Qing up and down in her ancient costume, smiling kindly.
"Good afternoon, Professor Cai Ming."
Gu Qing bent down slightly and held Cai Ming's hands with both of them, her posture humble and natural.
He looked down at the little old woman, her image flashing through his mind.
The video shows a group of young people playing games live on Bilibili using the virtual avatar "Nanako".
In a few years,
Teacher Cai Ming is the oldest and most senior virtual anchor in the history of Bilibili.
A wondrous existence that countless young people are willing to call "Grandma".
"Wow, Xiao Gu, you're so handsome!"
Jia Bing then opened his arms wide and warmly greeted Gu Qing, giving her a big hug.
His film "Dumplings in the Snow" last year was heavily criticized by audiences across the country.
If it weren't for Gu Qing's "Small Town Ballad" saving the day, he might still be recovering.
Jia Bing remembered this matter clearly, so when he saw Gu Qing, his enthusiasm was tinged with a layer of heartfelt gratitude.
"Brother Soldier".
Gu Qing opened her arms and hugged him briefly. After letting go, he took half a step back, smiling as he looked at Jia Bing.
"Teng told me in private that your cooking is even better than Teacher Huang's."
I'd love to visit sometime, so please don't refuse to open the door.
"Oh dear! How could I possibly compare to Teacher Huang?"
Jia Bing was so pleased with his compliment that he couldn't stop smiling and waved his hands repeatedly.
"But if you come to eat, Brother Bing will definitely prepare all his signature dishes for you."
Braised pork hock, sweet and sour pork, sauerkraut with pork belly—whatever you want to eat, I'll make it for you.
He paused, then pointed to himself and grinned, "Don't worry, I definitely won't make dumplings for you."
Jia Bing's willingness to make fun of himself demonstrates a mindset that is not common among ordinary people.
Gu Qing couldn't help but chuckle and shake her head as well, her words eliciting laughter from the surrounding staff. Before the laughter subsided, a short, stout figure squeezed through the crowd.
"dumpling?"
A voice drifted over from behind Jia Bing.
Pan Zi walked slowly over from the side of the stage with his hands behind his back.
He stood next to Jia Bing, and when he stood in front of Gu Qing, his head barely reached her shoulder.
Panzi looked to be an old man who was at most a little over 1.5 meters tall. He was slightly overweight, had comical features, and a buzz cut, making him look like a kiwi.
Grandpa Pan was clearly out of touch with the internet age. He walked over in a daze, his hands behind his back, and looked up to see Gu Qing.
A hearty laugh, revealing his buck teeth, exuding the composure of a seasoned elder:
"Dumplings are so delicious! Young man, you can't be a picky eater. Our country has only been doing well for a short time. When I was young, we could only eat them on holidays."
Faced with Pan Zi's arrogance, the young staff around him curled their lip in disapproval.
They'd seen this short old man quite often, relying on his seniority to put on airs.
"Teacher Pan, you must have had such a happy life when you were young. In our hometown in Anhui Province, we can only eat a hot meal of dumplings during festivals."
Gu Qing smiled and shook hands.
He's not the type of person who will humbly accept any lectures he receives.
Not to mention,
In her past life, Gu Qing had been tricked by Pan Zi!
"puff……"
Several younger employees around couldn't help but cover their mouths, their suppressed laughter escaping through their fingers.
Pan Zi's smile froze instantly, and he didn't know how to respond for a moment.
"Haha, Gu Qing, that punchline was delivered perfectly, so witty!"
Cai Ming, who was standing to the side, immediately clapped and cheered, laughing very happily.
"It's funny, it's funny, this kid has a good sense of humor."
Pan Zi quickly regained his composure, smiled and nodded, patting Gu Qing's hand, "You could develop in the direction of a comedian in the future."
He became famous at a young age... no wonder he was so arrogant when he was young.
Pan Zi sneered inwardly.
He has been in the Spring Festival Gala industry for decades. The stage remains, but stars come and go. He has seen too many young people become famous overnight.
How many of those names that were once incredibly famous have vanished without a trace?
This industry is too treacherous, too turbulent; those who don't know humility won't be able to navigate it. Young man, take your time and learn.
"Hey, you old man, why are you cursing someone's child?"
Cai Ming wouldn't indulge him.
She played the role of a lively and sarcastic old lady on stage for decades, and her private style is not much different from her stage persona.
"If you don't grow up like this, how can Gu Qing become a comedian?"
"Teacher Cai, what do I look like?"
Pan Zi was clearly unable to cope.
He plays the clown, acts pathetic, and gets laughed at by the audience on stage—that's what happens on stage.
But after stepping down,
He is, after all, a respected 'veteran artist'.
Pan Zi was determined to maintain his dignity as a veteran artist and was most averse to others making jokes about his height and appearance.
Just like Guo Donglin, who plays a wronged son-in-law on the Spring Festival Gala every year, he lives a miserable and repressed life on screen.
In reality,
They were never married, and there were no family matters depicted in the skit.
"What, you're short, ugly, and fat, and people can't even say that?"
Cai Ming rolled his eyes, showing no mercy to him.
No one knows you better than your colleagues who work with you day and night.
The two rehearsed together day and night, and knew each other very well.
Aside from stage rehearsals, Cai Ming rarely interacted with Pan Zi in private, having long seen through the latter's aloof nature.
The back-and-forth banter between Cai Ming and Pan Zi, in the eyes of everyone in the rehearsal hall, actually fit the national image and became the best form of lighthearted banter.
The young employees who had been listless from the skit were now all listening intently and enjoying it.
This scene is much funnier than the skit we just saw.
"Little Gu Qing, come here, let's take a picture together."
After criticizing Pan Zi, when the old lady turned to face Gu Qing, the expression on her face seemed to have been switched on, instantly changing from sharp and sarcastic to beaming with joy.
She took out her phone, skillfully switched to selfie mode, stood on tiptoe to pull Gu Qing to her side, and made a peace sign.
The phone clicked.
The old lady took it back and looked at it, then nodded in satisfaction.
After taking the photos, she held Gu Qing's hand and said a few more words: "Wear more clothes in this cold weather. Look how thin your little face is. Grandma is leaving now."
Nanako finally let go of his hand with satisfaction and left the rehearsal hall by herself with small, quick steps.
After Cai Ming left, the atmosphere in the rehearsal hall subtly changed.
Jia Bing just left with Cai Ming, saying he was going to have a short meeting in the rehearsal room next door.
Gu Qing lowered her eyes slightly, smiled at the short senior opposite her, and took the initiative to invite, "Teacher Pan, how about we take a photo together?"
Pan Zi felt a surge of anger, thinking that this young man had no respect for his seniors.
But on the surface, he still had to keep a facade.
Pan Zi forced a smile, his tone carrying a subtle, almost imperceptible barb:
"No more pictures, no more pictures. If you want to take a picture with me, you have to bend over at a ninety-degree angle, right?"
"Teacher Pan, you're not that short!"
Gu Qing was both amused and exasperated, and gently shook her head: "If you really bend over at a ninety-degree angle, you'll be touching the sole of my shoe."
"Pfft—Hahaha!"
Panzi's breathing quickened for a moment.
He wasn't sure if Gu Qing understood, but the people around them definitely didn't!
Even Director Lü, who had been tense for days, smiled.
Pan Zi dared not stay any longer. He was afraid that if he stood there any longer, the dignified facade of an old artist on his face would really crumble.
He took a big step to the side, his short legs striding powerfully as he passed Gu Qing with some difficulty, his pace many times faster than usual.
"Teacher Pan, please take care."
Gu Qing turned her head and watched his short figure disappear into the doorway of the rehearsal hall.
If you don't know Pan Zi's true colors, it's easy to be fooled.
Relying on his long-standing experience, coupled with the composure and cheerfulness of someone who's been there all along.
To outsiders, it would appear as a highly respected veteran artist lecturing a younger generation on life's lessons.
Can anyone think of,
What will this person do later in the live stream?
Think at the beginning,
Unaware of the deception, Ga Zi seems to have fallen for it.
At that time, the Chinese entertainment industry, particularly the film and television sector, was experiencing a downturn.
With capital retreating, the number of film and television productions has plummeted, leaving many actors unable to find work—some are desperately seeking roles while others are overwhelmed.
To make a living, live-streaming e-commerce has become a way out that is easy to access and quick to make money.
With the help of childhood nostalgia, Gazi's live streaming career started off smoothly.
At first, he really didn't intend to go astray.
Selling some snacks, doing some small promotions, earning a little money honestly.
The number of viewers in the live stream has remained stable at tens of thousands year after year.
Gazi also gave his fan group a powerful name – Gazi's Army.
But as,
As the "Ga Family Army" grew larger, Ga Zi's courage also grew.
The sound of "linking up" in the live stream room became more and more frequent.
Gazi gradually realized that these family members were really easy to fool.
No, she's just really easy to coax.
"Three, two, one, link up!"
Starting with selling legitimate liquor, and then discovering that his family's enthusiasm for affordable premium liquor was beyond imagination, Gazi's mind started to stir.
How much profit do small bottles of liquor make?
Wouldn't it be better to offer "special editions," "internal editions," or "customized editions"?
As a result, counterfeit alcohol began to sneak onto the shelves, increasing profits several times over.
The live stream was flooded with comments like "Gajia Army, charge!"
As Gazi counted the zeros after his bank card balance, he felt he had finally found the right way to live his life.
But "when you're out in the world, you're bound to get hurt."
Finally one day,
A knowledgeable buyer posted a long article on social media, showing in detail how Ga Zi disassembled the wine he was selling.
At first, Ga Zi was still stubborn on the live stream, slamming his fist on the table and glaring, saying that this was malicious competition from his peers and that the wine he sold was absolutely fine.
He vowed to sue those who "spread rumors," and then posted a link urging his family to buy it quickly.
unfortunately,
The market regulator's iron fist came down quickly.
A decisive blow, a bombshell that couldn't be more solid.
Gazi slides down his knees at lightning speed.
He broke down in tears during the live stream, his face covered in snot and tears, wailing at the camera:
"I'm sorry to my family."
"I was wrong, please give me another chance."
It was clear that they couldn't hold on any longer.
Just then—that man,
He's here!
As a senior with rich life experience, Uncle Pan quickly contacted Ga Zi.
That live broadcast was later watched repeatedly, analyzed frame by frame, and memorized as a textbook by countless people.
Uncle Pan sat in his study, the warm yellow light shining on his bald head, giving his round head a halo of holiness.
His expression was solemn, his tone somber, drawing upon decades of life experience and wisdom.
Ga Zi underwent a series of soul-stirring moral education sessions:
"Things online are all virtual. The waters here are very deep, you can't handle it, kid."
Pan Zi spoke earnestly, each word carrying a profound weight that only those who have experienced the vicissitudes of life possess.
In his speech, he also emphasized his "money philosophy in live streaming".
Uncle Pan told Gazi that he was not doing live streaming to make money, much less to become famous.
Don't do live streaming to save face, and definitely don't do it to earn money.
When talking about not caring about saving face,
"Kid, you should be like your uncle."
As Panzi spoke, he raised his hand and slapped himself across the face repeatedly.
An artist nearing sixty years old slapped himself in public to educate a younger generation who had gone astray.
what is this?
This is a person of both high moral character and artistic talent; this is a teacher with a benevolent heart; this is the last vestige of conscience in the entertainment industry!
These slaps landed on Panzi's face, and they also struck Gazi's heart.
Deeply moved by Panzi's teachings, Ga Zi's eyes turned red and swollen.
He recalled running under the sunset over Baiyangdian Lake when he was a child, and remembered his original aspirations.
During that live broadcast, it wasn't just Gazi who realized it.
All the onlookers, passersby, and even the then-naive and innocent Gu Qing were present.
Everyone surely believes that with a respected elder like Teacher Pan, who possesses integrity and sound values,
The chaotic live-streaming industry will surely see the light after the fog clears.
but! Yes!
Absolutely did not expect ah.
Within a few days,
Gu Qing came across this video on the homepage recommendations of Bilibili.
The cover features a familiar bald head sitting in a gaudyly decorated live-streaming room, with a row of neatly stacked wine bottles behind him.
The video title is displayed in bold, eye-catching letters:
"Special offer on Moutai in Teacher Pan's live stream! It's time for everyone to test their speed!"
Gu Qing rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things.
When he clicked in, he was advising Uncle Pan to turn back.
Uncle Pan, who treated "Da Bu Liu" like dirt, slapped "face" hard, and earnestly warned Ga Zi that "things on the internet are all virtual."
Sitting in the anchor's seat on the same live streaming platform, a beautifully packaged bottle of high-end liquor is placed in front of him.
He skillfully held up the wine bottle and spoke eloquently to the camera, explaining the vintage and taste of the wine. His rapid speech, dense use of technical terms, and adept salesmanship were even smoother than those of professional live-streaming sales hosts.
When it comes to the key points,
He slammed the bottle on the table, his voice booming, "Family members, those who haven't paid yet, hurry up! Stock is running low! Miss today, and you'll have to wait another year!"
Uncle Pan, who used to treat "Daboliliu" like dirt, has started to care about his family's payment progress.
Although he once said that the virtual world online is hard to control, when it comes to payments, he absolutely has to pay me as soon as possible.
This series of actions left the entire internet stunned.
"Uncle Pan, that's not how you taught me!"
Gazi, who was weeping and preparing to repent, was completely dumbfounded.
"You son of a bitch, are you trying to steal my business?!"
Gazi has gone mad.
So, making him quit live streaming and stop selling alcohol is because he wants to take over his 'family'.
From then onwards,
Gazi changed his way of addressing him from "Uncle Pan" to "Panzi".
The two men's positions have been completely reversed.
"Uncle Ga's" live stream was full of requests for him to persuade "Panzi".
In Panzi's live stream, everyone was telling him to listen to Uncle Ga.
For this,
"Uncle Ga" said:
"I really can't persuade Panzi; I can only take care of myself."
And that's how the "Panga Friendship" came about.
In the counterfeit liquor industry,
They also welcomed two genius uncle and nephew...
……
...(End of this chapter)