AWB 36. I am not even as good as those irrelevant people
36. I am not even as good as those irrelevant people
As soon as New Year's Day is over, everyone is busy preparing for the New Year.Units are preparing to buy New Year’s goods for employees, people are scrambling to wear new clothes, and those who are going home to celebrate the New Year start buying tickets early.Taojiang University has entered the exam week early, and An Xing is also busy.The big data center of Taojiang University also takes care of the school's educational administration system. The announcement of grades and course selection are events that may paralyze the network. In addition, at the end of each semester, as a person in charge of the big data center, An Xing is on duty.
Li Shaoyan can't take a break either. At the end of the year and the beginning of the year, people's spirits are easy to relax, and it is a period of high incidence of traffic accidents, especially major accidents.In addition to strengthening publicity, the traffic police team also increased the density of patrolling on the streets.Traffic police can be seen at major intersections and accident-prone areas.
Finally, the university was on vacation, and the elementary school was also on vacation. Although An Xing and his staff didn't take a break, they didn't have so many things to do.
Although Li Shaoyan was greedy for the warmth of An Xing's home, he didn't live in it anymore.One is that the name is not right, and the other is that An Xingjia also has a mother and children, although they are all good to him, they are still not able to accept it freely.Only when An Xing's mother kindly invites, go to have a meal.
On the contrary, An Xing went to Li Shaoyan's apartment every three days. Anyway, the fingerprint lock was convenient to use, so he went to be Li Shaoyan's snail boy.Although he didn't know how to work, and although Li Shaoyan's house was relatively clean, he still hired a housekeeper to clean it up, wipe the glass, and tidy up.I don't know how to cook, so I bought some vegetables and asked Li Shaoyan to cook.There is not so much oil and water in my own home, and the two of them can eat happily.
Seeing that the end of the new year is approaching, all the units' New Year's goods have been distributed one after another.The New Year’s goods of the traffic police team are still the same as usual: 20 catties of rice, 20 catties of noodles, 5 liters of oil, two couplets, a box of dried fruit gift boxes, and a box of fruits.
In previous years, Li Shaoyan only kept a part of the New Year's goods. He was a bachelor and could not use rice, noodles, or oil. Every time, he gave gifts to his teammates, such as Liu Wei and Gao Dui.
"Li Shao, will you give me back the New Year's goods this year?" Liu Wei asked knowingly.
"Not this year, don't worry about it in the future." Li Shaoyan moved his things to the car, "Brother also has a family!"
Li Shaoyan called An Xing: "The police force is sending out new year's goods, so let's take them from you."
"Our unit also sent a bunch," An Xing said, "Keep some at home."
"Can I drive you for your New Year's necessities?" Li Shaoyan asked.
"No, I asked my colleague to take it home for me."
"Don't bother others about this in the future, tell me, do you hear me?"
"it is good!"
"Then I'll go over after get off work today."
"Okay! I'll let my mother cook your meal."
It was only when Li Shaoyan arrived at the Anxingjia Community with a carload of New Year's goods that he realized that he was in trouble. Because there were many gift-givers years ago, the parking spaces in the community were full, so Li Shaoyan had to park his car in the temporary parking space at the gate of the community.
"An Xing, why don't you push a grocery cart to pick me up." Li Shaoyan called An Xing, "I can't enter the community."
An Xing hurried down pushing the car, and as soon as he left the unit, he saw several old ladies in their sixties chatting together.
An Xing smiled as a greeting.
The group of women suddenly fell silent and looked at each other.
After An took two steps, she heard the women chattering behind her, and her heart sank step by step.
"Good-looking, not sensible at all, not filial."
"Lao An's daughter-in-law is also suffering. The man died early, and the son didn't start a family. She also raised a granddaughter who was picked up."
"Is there something wrong with him? That's why no one wants to marry?"
"I've seen him with a man in our community, and even took the child out."
"I've seen that young man too. I saw him when I picked up my grandson. He seems to be a traffic policeman."
"Do the traffic police care about life style? This society..."
Did they recognize Li Shaoyan?
"The management of the organization is to mess with the relationship between men and women, which one is in charge of the relationship between men and women!"
Everyone laughed, An Xing stopped, and looked back at the old ladies who were talking. He knew the person who said he knew Li Shaoyan, and he usually called her "Aunt Liu" when they met.
Aunt Liu also ignored An Xing and looked at him provocatively.
A neighbor on the side of the road came over, "An Xing, are you going to get the New Year's goods?"
"Huh? Oh."
"Hey, you are still promising. We have to buy our new year's goods ourselves, unlike you, the university teacher, who gave them all."
There were also children over there who came to say hello to An Xing, but he couldn't get interested.Although he knew that those people were only a minority, under the same sky and the same air, it was always disturbing.
An Xing walked to the side of the road in dismay, saw that Li Shaoyan had opened the trunk, and came back to his senses, "Are there so many?"
"It's enough for me to keep five catties of rice noodles. The oil for the Mid-Autumn Festival has not been boiled yet. The fire is often fired at home, so I put it here for you." Li Shaoyan said.
The two put the rice noodles on the trolley, and there was still a barrel of oil and a gift box of dried fruits that could not be put on it.
"Take these back," An Xing said.
"No, I'll take you back." An Xing hesitated for a moment, but Li Shaoyan had already left for the community.
An Xing was a little frustrated along the way, and kept walking behind Li Shaoyan.
Li Shaoyan stopped and looked back at Li Shaoyan, "What's wrong?"
An Xing looked at Li Shaoyan's hand and said, "Let's change it."
"It's okay!" As a people's policeman, what is this?
"Let me get it." An Xing picked up the oil on the ground, and Li Shaoyan went to grab it, and the two held hands together.
"Xiao An! Where are you getting the New Year's goods?" A middle-aged woman looked at An Xing, "Hey, who is this young man? He is still holding hands."
An Xing hurriedly let go, "Ah... ah... Aunt Li, he..." This woman was the one who was gossiping just now, and he suddenly remembered what those people said just now, "He helped me move things."
These words made Li Shaoyan's heart sink.
Aunt Li looked at her for a long time, raised her eyebrows, "Then go ahead."
After Anxing watched Aunt Li leave nervously, he was relieved to find Li Shaoyan standing aside with a cold face.
"I'm just a mover?" Li Shaoyan asked, "I can't even count as a friend?"
"No! That woman is notorious for talking badly, and they know where you work. What we did just now, we made up a story and spread it to the whole community later." An Xing quickly explained.
"Oh! So our relationship is a shameful story?" Li Shaoyan's eyes were getting darker and darker, and he couldn't see the color clearly. It turned out that the flame in his eyes cooled down a little bit.
"No! They will talk nonsense and hurt you." The more An Xing explained, the more confused he became.
"I don't know them, how could they hurt me? They are afraid of hurting you." Li Shaoyan's voice became colder and colder.
An Xing had never heard Li Shaoyan talk to himself in such a tone, and panicked, he took Li Shaoyan's hand.
Li Shaoyan threw it away, "Are you afraid that people will say something about you? That you are gay? That you are flirting with a man? Do you care so much about other people's eyes? Even if you shout in the community with a loudspeaker for one day, the next day Someone will remember, what about the third day and the fourth day? When people want to talk about you, they will talk about you no matter what you do. If you please others, will others follow your example?"
"I didn't mean that!" An Xing trembled, "I was a little scared just now, afraid that others would report you. They said they knew you."
"There are many people who know me. Report me? Which of the police regulations says that you can't make friends with men? I don't think you are afraid of me, you are afraid that others will know that you like men, right? Your mother knows about this, your daughter I also know. Apart from these two, there are no other relatives around you? The closest relatives don't matter, but you do care about those who are far from you." Li Shaoyan sneered.
"No, it's not like that." An Xing said tremblingly.
"That means I feel that I am not on stage and not worthy of you." Li Shaoyan said, "You have seen my friends and colleagues, and you are Li Shaoyan's man in front of them. What about you? You feel your conscience and think Think, apart from your mother and Xiao Ke, who among your friends and colleagues know of my existence?"
An Xing was dumbfounded.
"Are you afraid of others? Are you afraid that others will ridicule you if they find out, or that they will alienate you because of this? At that point, no one cares about you, you can't help others, and you feel worthless. An Xing , your knees are a bit soft, do you kneel when you see people?"
"No... not."
"Then have you ever thought about how you will be with me in the future? Live a lifetime in secret? See your neighbors who can't even be called by name. I am the courier brother, the deliveryman, and the mover. See your colleagues , I’m just a traffic policeman you know. I’m not even worthy of being a friend! Think about it, are you going to live in the eyes of those irrelevant people for the rest of your life? An Xing, we’ve been together for so long, I thought I I am one of the people you care about most, it seems that I am being passionate. I am not worthy to be one of them, I am not even as good as those irrelevant people!" Li Shaoyan picked up the oil and walked angrily to the door of the unit, alone Get on the elevator, put the oil at the door of An Xing's house, turn around and go downstairs.
When Li Shaoyan came down, An Xing still stayed where he was, with his head bowed, his eyes filled with tears, like a helpless child.Li Shaoyan was distressed and heartbroken, he turned his face abruptly, resisting the urge to wipe his tears and hold him in his arms, and strode away.
Li Shaoyan didn't go home and drove directly to Leopard Point.There were quite a few people in Leopard Point, and there were some young people among them. Li Shaoyan was sitting at the bar drinking beer after bottle.
"Boss, another bottle." Li Shaoyan said coldly with red eyes.
"It's already a dozen, today's beer is not sold." The boss looked at Li Shaoyan who was in a bad mood, and handed him a glass of white water, "Have you had a fight?"
"Do you think other people's opinions are that important?" Li Shaoyan turned the cup in his hand, as if asking someone, but also asking himself.
"Divide people!" The boss took over the conversation, "An old saying goes: Many words make gold, accumulated waste destroys bones, three people make tigers, and people's words are terrifying. Other people's thoughts are very important, and they may overwhelm you. If you come alive here, you are the best one, and others are just clouds in your eyes. But if you can’t survive, you will become what others say. What you are is not up to you, it’s up to others, you say Do other people's opinions matter?"