AWB Chapter 211: Telling the pain in my heart
Chapter 211: Telling the pain in my heart
The night was getting deeper and deeper, and more and more quiet. Apart from the rustling of fallen leaves in the autumn wind, there was no other sound.
The memories were painful and it took him many years to bury them deep in his heart, hoping that he would never think of them again in his life, because they were too painful and hurtful. But tonight, he opened his wounds bloodily in front of Yun Jingman, because he realized that compared to these injuries, losing his Yan'er would make him even more doomed.
Baili Haoxuan reached out and played with Yun Jingman's hair, which spread out like a waterfall. It was soft and delicate, and felt like silk and smooth. His blue eyes were gentle, with struggle, pain, regret, sadness and various complex emotions.
"My sister said she would be happy. She asked me to rest assured and give her blessings. She said she would return to Xuanhuang to visit her relatives in a year. She would come back to see me... I actually believed what my sister said, and waited eagerly for the day to reunite with her, but... I didn't wait for her return. Instead, I received the sad news that she had passed away." No one can know how painful the hatred in my heart is. The heart-wrenching pain may not be enough to describe it.
"My sister is only in her twenties. She should have a good man who loves her, she should have a happy life, she should live in harmony with her husband and wife, she should have children and grandchildren, and she should have all the best things in the world. She is so kind and beautiful. She gave me everything and is my only relative in this world. Why, why did that tyrant take her away so cruelly, why did he torture her to death... why..." His chest rumbled, and sorrow surged from his heart, an unstoppable pain.
More than ten years have passed, but the pain of losing Baili Molan is still as vivid and sharp as it was yesterday, like a sharp knife, still cutting into his heart to this day.
"I tried very hard to bury all of this deep in my heart. From then on, I worked hard to govern the country and strive to make progress. I cultivated my own power and worked hard to improve my military strength. Just to destroy Cangming Kingdom one day. However, King Cangming is not a pushover. He is wary of me everywhere and has placed spies around me. In order to paralyze him and divert his attention, I chose to show weakness and marry Cangming, so that King Cangming can still control everything."
Baili Haoxuan lowered his eyes to look at the face that was still in a coma, paused, and continued: "I thought you were just a chess piece, a chess piece to clamp down on King Cangming and lower his defenses. I took advantage of your deep love and did something shameful. On the surface, I tried to please you in every way, but secretly, I..." He suddenly found it difficult to speak, because he cared about her and fell in love with her, so the things that he took for granted at that time, now he finds it difficult to speak.
"I'm sorry, Yan'er, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He buried his head deep in Yun Jingman's neck and kept apologizing, but his heart was in so much pain that he crushed it with one big hand.
"I don't regret flattening the Cangming Kingdom in one night, nor do I regret killing King Cangming, because he deserves to die. I will never repent for this. I just shouldn't have let you know all this, let alone witness all of this. It is I who deserves to die."
A slender hand suddenly touched Yun Jingman's left ear and kept moving it. His hand felt like it was being pricked by a needle. He still remembered how he became deaf in this ear. She had told him about it.
Looking back now, I feel that I must have been crazy at that time. Just because she said "Sister Mo Lan...", he poured all his hatred into his hands, slapped Yun Jingman hard, and deafened her ears...
So, now he can only secretly tell Yun Jingman about his love and his sorrow in her left ear. Is this retribution?
"Yan'er, no matter what I say now, you will not forgive me. The pain of the child, I only realized a few days ago what kind of heart-wrenching pain it is. I actually forced you to drink the abortion pills and forced you to have an abortion. I killed our first child. How painful it must be for you. Now when I think about it, I feel unforgivable. I actually killed my own children twice. And this time... the child..." When she thought of the child's handsome appearance, which was different from what she imagined, her heart began to bleed.
"But I have to do this. I just want you to stay..."
"Yan'er, please don't ever forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness. Just hate me. Stay by my side and hate me all your life." This is also the reason why he can't say love to her right ear, because he doesn't deserve her forgiveness, his pure and flawless love.
Yan'er was right, he was a devil, a devil who would never be redeemed in darkness. Let him be in darkness, let him fall, let him sink into darkness forever.
Nor do I want to tarnish Yun Jingman in the slightest.
If hatred could last forever, he would rather she hated him. It would be better if he knew the truth alone...
Just like the crime of murdering his own children, he let him bear it all alone. He didn't want her to bear any more pain.
After talking all night, Baili Haoxuan was finally tired, still murmuring: "Yan'er, never forgive me..." Then he rested his head on Yun Jingman's shoulder and fell into a deep sleep...
The autumn wind blows, bringing a night of sorrow.
Yun Jingman, who had been sleeping, closed his eyelids tightly, and a tear slowly dripped from the corner of his eye...